fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
