i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He passed out mid-signature
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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