I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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