No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
