i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
