i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
