This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
