ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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