remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
