Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
