he puts the penis in happiness.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
