when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
