Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
