If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
