Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
