Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
