All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
