Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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