You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As shirtless as possible
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
