i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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