the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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