Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
