the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just had sex on a roof
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
