My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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