i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
