he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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