Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
