I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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