Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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