your thong is hanging out like whoa
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
