I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
