proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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