So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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