Having a random hookup so left but love u
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
