Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
