May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
