just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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