you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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