Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
