i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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