It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you had me at cake vodka
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize