I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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