Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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