I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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