we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
