u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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