I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
my poor anus
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
