Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
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