A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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