I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
