Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
