...so i touched it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
