You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
