well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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