my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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