I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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