I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
