Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
