Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize