Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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