so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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