now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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