I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
