when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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