that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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