Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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