Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
