Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
