Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i've created a new STD.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
