You just made me feel so damn special
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
