No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
How's work?
Spinning.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Less talking, more tequila
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize