so let's talk penis.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
