wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
