you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
