I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
